Our Survival Depends On It

Hi Friends,

Have you ever made a mistake? Yes, of course you have. Have your choices ever hurt anyone else? Yes, they have. Mine, too. Not a single one of us can say no to these questions. Humans are inherently relational beings and experimentation and making mistakes is a defining trait of being human.

Have you ever been forgiven by someone who was harmed by you? Have you experienced the gift of an opportunity to repair harm? I hope each of us have had opportunities for repair and forgiveness.

Now that we have clarified these things, let's talk about how to chart the way forward out of the violence and harm that is happening at the hands of our current government.

Belonging and inclusion are essential to our survival. We cannot build a new world where everyone belongs if we continue to shame and punish those who have made mistakes, those who have been misled, those who have recognized the harm their choices have done. And I mean this about election choices, yes, but also the more mundane things like where we shop, where we work, and how we choose to live.

Should we reject the people who are joining an activist movement for the first time simply because they didn't participate before? Lady Libertie recognizes this phase in our movements as the Inward-Turn: "The enemy isn’t the messy person on your left, or the imperfect ally on your right. It’s the authoritarian machine rolling straight toward all of us."

People who feel socially rejected, humiliated, or dislocated are more vulnerable to ideologies and institutions that offer belonging, certainty, and moral clarity, especially when those institutions define an "enemy." This shows up in research on extremist groups, gangs, militias, violent nationalist movements, and some highly punitive law-enforcement subcultures. Most people don't start out with "I want to hurt people," but when they are welcomed into a space where they feel valued, respected, strong, and powerful, they can be more likely to engage in hate and violence.

Given this, why in the world would we push more and more people into a sense of exile, especially as they want to change the trajectory of their choices?!

Do we want more people to turn from a world of belonging and promise and join the oppressors? Or do we want to build a powerful coalition of people who don't agree on everything, but who know how to respect and value people even when we have different ideas about how to live in this world? If we value diversity as many of us say we do, that must include everyone, not some fantastical pure group of people who have never harmed anyone.

Rebecca Solnit wrote about this back in November. "Making that conservative belief that progressives scorn them a public or face-to-face reality when there's a chance of changing people's minds or just accepting people who have changed their minds is not strategic. It throws away an opportunity for a shift. And yes, you can disagree about almost everything, and a lot of it is moral issues, but if there's no room for people to change their minds, learn, shift, improve, then there's no room for your coalition to grow."

Inclusion and belonging will change people far more effectively and for a longer time than shame ever will. AND belonging must come with accountability and repair for it to have depth and meaning.

Anand Giridharadas has been a proponent of being welcoming, creating a big tent to include as many as are willing to join. However, he reflected on an important nuance (back in July):

"It is one thing to welcome converts. It is another for the converts who occupy positions of influence never to acknowledge that others got there first, that they in their perches of power might have participated in shaming what turned out to be their own moral advance team, and that they owe some measure of gratitude to those whose courage or lack of mortgages or basic constitutional makeup allowed them to get there first and see clearly where others didn’t."

We must give people opportunities to repair any harm they have participated in. This means allowing (and requiring) people to take action. And in response, we can say, "You belong because you are willing to learn, repair, and act differently — not because you say the right words." We must find a way to separate the people from their actions. Societies don’t heal by pretending harm didn’t happen. They also don’t heal by making redemption impossible. And while I realize that we don't have historical examples of reconciliation like this in our country (yet), we have great need for it to happen so that we can all move forward in a healthier way.

Rebecca Solnit, in writing about World AIDS Day at the beginning of December, reflected that "The fabric of this country is forever being torn apart by hate and exclusion; it is forever being stitched into, as the site says, new patterns, new connections, new relationships. Solidarity is always about connection across difference, about the way you stand with someone you have something crucial in common with but who may be different in other ways. It is a quilter's art of bringing the fragments together into a whole. It is e pluribus unum."

Valarie Kaur, as always, leads the way (video link) when she said last week from Minneapolis, "And because no one is outside our circle of care — To ICE agents everywhere: You have a choice. Revolutionary Love means blocking your actions with one hand, and extending the other with the hope that you will one day take it, or your children will take it, for the brief high of domination is nothing compared to the infinite love and joy of true community."

That, my friends, is Revolutionary Love. It is what must carry us forward, for the sake of each and every one of us.

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Some quick updates:
- Starbucks workers are still striking for better labor conditions. Shop local and boycott Starbucks until they negotiate a fair deal!
- The next No Kings protest is scheduled for March 28. And yes, protesting has an impact.
- Boycotts of corporations make a difference.
- Keep up the creative responses to authoritarianism.
- My friend Whitney Parnell wrote a book!
- Put pressure on the corporations that are supporting ICE - many of their contracts are up early this year and we can influence their decisions!
- Stand with Minnesota

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.